First off, you jumped to the insult too early. Try pacing yourself, and don’t forget that the buildup to the insult is just as important as the insult itself. Also, try going for less formulated insults; always aim to make ‘organic’ insults that are more specialized and unique. Your flow could use some work as well. Allow me to explain: I believe that there are certain ways to organize the words in a sentence. The reason for this is to get sentences that are more enjoyable/pleasing to read/say. I can’t really give you a formula to do this, but you can deconstruct some of my previous blabs and get a feel for it. Another thing, I never call anybody a ‘hipster’.